14 Wedding Cakes That Will Make You Rethink Your “I Do’s”

In my humble opinion, the best part of the wedding is the cake. Some like chocolate, some like vanilla, and some like random fruit fillings (I won’t be attending those weddings.) Every aspect of a wedding is personalized for the bride and groom, and a cake is no different. That being said, these 14 ridiculous cakes will make you wish you had checked the “decline with regret” box on the invitation.

1. This killer cake:

Maybe this cake represents the stress a bride is under while planning a wedding, but I think it’s safe to say that you shouldn’t marry someone that’s been contemplating murdering you since you ordered your cake.

2. This donut cake:

The classiest thing about this “cake” is that it’s served on modern square plates. I have to assume that either two cops are getting married or that the newlyweds plan on starting their exciting new life with diabetes.

3. This doppelgänger dessert:

This cake is an exact replica of the bride, standing a full five-feet tall and a massive 400 pounds, this bride clearly did not want anything taking the attention off her during her wedding. The couple originally planned to have a replica of the groom, too, but sadly the bakery ran out of time. Tough break.

5. This splatter-painted pastry:

I actually really like this cake. It brings fond feelings of all of the raves I have been to, but it seems much more appropriate for a young person’s birthday than a formal wedding. Maybe their honeymoon is at Tomorrowland.

6. This uncomfortable confection:

This cake is guaranteed to make every guest at the reception super uncomfortable. Not only is it wildly inappropriate, but it’s also very poorly done. Hell, if I have to see the bride and groom naked, they might as well actually look like humans.

7. This deadly dessert:

Unlike the nudist on the cake before, I have the opposite concern for this one: it’s too realistic. Honestly, if I was the first person to see the cake, I would think an axeman got into the reception. This brings new definition to “Red Wedding.”

8. This uncooked confection:

Aside from the high risk of getting E. Coli from this strange choice, I can’t think of a single person that would want to cut in to a cake made of raw fish, avocado, spinach, and edamame, regardless of whether or not it was properly refrigerated. Also — what’s with the ducks?

9. This plant-filled fare:

I don’t really think that this was what Al Gore meant by “going green.” Aside from having a living water plant in the cake, it looks relatively normal. My one question is: where are the fishies?

10. This Chipotle cake:

Now I love burritos as much as the next guy, but not only does this look completely unappetizing, it’s obviously not appropriate for a wedding. I think that it’s safe to assume that the mother of the bride had a heart attack when she saw this “cake.”

11. This fishy final course:

I guess this cake is marginally better than the sushi cake, but it’s still weird to think that the bride (will a three-tiered veil no less) and groom chose to sit their topper atop hundreds of sugary coy fish. I hope it smells better than it looks.

12. This burger “cake:”

Now I am all for being true to yourself when it comes to planning your wedding, but you should keep your party in mind when it comes to the food. I am pretty sure no one but this overly excited groom is looking forward to digging in to that giant burger.

13. This gamer cake:

I am assuming that these two met over a romantic game of Halo, but that doesn’t make this cake any less strange. I wonder if the happy couple got sued for infringement.

14. This Kim Kardashian cake:

There is a vast difference between having a lavish wedding and being just plain tacky. Aside from running the risk of a not-so-trustworthy guest making off with bills, the cakes themselves don’t look that great. Maybe they should have invested more money into the design of the cake instead.

What do you think?