I have never been a huge fan of New Years Resolutions. Mostly because I feel like if you want to make a change about yourself or your lifestyle, why wait until a specific day of the year? That’s just procrastinating, which does sound like me. In any event, these are 10 of the most popular New Years Resolutions and what typically happens when “commit” to them for a whole year.
1. Going to the gym.
Just about everyone plans to be more fit in the new year. It’s a brand new year, time for a brand new you, right?
…Yeah. Not so much. After a solid two weeks of sticking to the plan you suddenly get back into the swing of things at work and the last thing you want to do is hit the gym after a 9-hour work day.
2. Drinking less.
Cutting back on alcohol is a lot easier said than done, especially if you’re the type of person that likes to unwind with a beer at the end of the day or hit a bar with your friends on weekends. Now you’ll have to make new plans like hiking. Ugh.
Going without alcohol isn’t necessarily the hard part, but somethings that you have to do require alcohol: holiday work parties, birthday parties at bars and clubs, and taking children to Chuck E. Cheese. Sure, you could argue that you don’t need to be drunk to have fun, but do you really want to pitch in for pricey table service when you aren’t even drinking? Giving up alcohol for a year also means coming to terms with the fact that you will also likely be the designated driver for a year; a job that I have never heard as a resolution.
3. Waking up early.
This is actually a great resolution because it’s actually realistic, beneficial to your health, and maintainable. Anyone that has a job knows that you can’t possibly stick to this day in and day out. Things come up, work goes late, whatever.
Like I said, things come up. Especially if you like to go out on Friday nights. Anyone with an active nightlife can pretend like they’ll wake up at 7 on weekends, but let’s be honest. Come the first Saturday of the New Year, you’re already done with this resolution. Hell, you probably didn’t wake up early today if you watched the ball drop last night.
4. Watching less TV.
Actually the idea of watching less TV isn’t a terrible one, especially if you live with other people that enjoy other things like board games. My family loves board games, but each of us is so cut-throat that watching a movie together is a lot easier.
I am not going to lie, I think it’s silly to “watch less TV.” Yes, our society is slightly stupider with all of the TV we watch, but who doesn’t like numbing their brain a little in their free time? Without TV how are you supposed to stay up to date on current events or watch a guilty pleasure reality show that raises your self-esteem? That’s right. You can’t. Also, good luck playing a board game on a date instead of curling up for a movie.
5. Going on a diet.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose a little weight in the new year. Hell, I almost had a sugar overdose while I was at home for the holidays, so I am right there with you. Let’s be honest, starting a diet is hard. If you make it to day 3, that’s a solid sign.
Ok, so assuming you get to day three of your diet (you’re officially started on the right path), most people get derailed when they get to work and someone has a birthday or brings in bagels. Sure, part of you hates them for cramping your diet plans, but at the same time… bagels.
6. Calling your mom more.
This is just a good life practice. No one else in the world cares about you as much as she does. She’ll listen to you laugh, cry, bitch, whatever. I talk to my mom every day and I highly suggest it.
There is truly no negative to calling your mom (unless you honestly don’t like her. If so, make it a goal to call someone else.) Just be prepared to answer a ton of questions that you don’t always have the answer to like when will I be a grandma? Or are you eating enough? Or when are you going to meet a nice boy?
7. Going vegan.
Living in LA, this pursuit is one of the most popular diet trends, New Years resolution or not. What can I say? We love our overpriced juice cleanses and kale.
Sure, the bragging rights are endless and you can always feel superior at parties when you can drop your meat-free dedication (even more so than less dedicated vegetarian friends.) That is, until you realize that you have to give up bacon, and that simply just can’t happen.
8. Going out more.
Everyone loves a good night out. Since you’re already out having a blast until the wee hours in the morning on New Years Eve, you think, “I could have this much fun all the time!”
Quite quickly you’ll realize why you had to leave your college days behind you. Instead of having one 4-hour class that you can choose to attend, you have a 9 to 5 that is mandatory. In a Saw movie-like scenario, you can go out and suffer a hangover with your coworkers all day or you can get a good night’s sleep and be functional. Make your choice.
9. Cutting out coffee.
There is a reason why most people don’t drink tea in the morning. You know, because it doesn’t have caffeine. I, like most, cannot function or interact with other human beings before I have had my morning cup of joe. A job that tea simply isn’t up to fulfilling.
Coffee is incredibly addictive. I will openly admit that I have a codependent relationship with the liquid gold that is coffee, one that I have yet to hit rock bottom with. You know how you never really know what you have until it’s gone? That’s how you’ll feel if you try to break up with your coffee machine.
10. Vacation more.
You work hard, you deserve to relax. This year is the year that you finally take the plunge and take that much needed vacation that you so deeply deserve.
Oh wait, there’s a reason why you haven’t been on a vacation: you have bills, responsibilities, and already have obligatory travel plans to visit family and going to weddings. If you do manage to save up for a sick trip, you are likely going to have to go alone; trying to plan a time that works in your friends’ schedules is going to take a year anyways. Maybe aim for 2016.